I just love that monologue from the movie City Slickers, when Mitch (Bill Crystal) tells Phil (Daniel Stern) that his life is a do over. Phil’s life is in shambles so his first response is, to list all the things that he’s lost.
I know how he feels. It’s hard to look on the bright side when all you can think about is what you no longer have. I thought making the list of possessions to split would be hard, but it wasn’t. It’s just stuff. It’s the non-tangibles that I am missing… having a family to come home to at the end of the day, making french toast and bacon on the weekends and sitting down to a family dinner.
It reminds me of a lyric from my favorite Cold Play song, I Will Fix You… “When you lose something you cannot replace.” There ARE some things cannot be replaced. I believe those losses causes that physical pain we feel in our hearts… it truly is a heart ache.
In talking to friends who have gone through a family break-up, I’ve learned that some pains never heal completely. This is not what I wanted to hear but maybe it’s good to know what to expect. It’s also nice to know that I am not alone.
Sure… life is different now, not bad… just different. Though the Biscuit and I don’t have as much time together, we are forming new routines. We still have special things we do together, like making orange smoothies and watching the Ricky Gervais Show marathon. I think we value our time together more now.
As for me, I am excited about rebooting my life. Relationships require compromise, but a strong sense of commitment make it easy to compromise too much… to lose ourselves. It happens all the time and no one is to blame.
So now… I am getting to know myself again and enjoying spending quality time with myself. If you know me personally, you know that I am a social creature. I am really enjoying my time with friends.
I also get to ask myself what I want to be when I grow up… something I haven’t done in over a decade. After seeing Cirque du Soleil in Vegas recently… I wanted to enroll in circus school. I wonder if I can combine it with my physical therapy for my bad shoulder.
I won’t lie, I do feel a massive loss… but the idea of the do over inspires me and gives me fresh hope. I am trying to lose weight so I can fit into one of those Cirque body suits. I’ll keep you posted.